“Hey, why don’t we get a celebrity to make the ad? Like, someone really edgy? Like, some pop star everyone’s talking about on Twitter?” says the agency creative charged with making an ad for Google Glass, lazily scrolling through the Sidebar Of Shame with one eye on the clock, already picturing that first cold, refreshing pint in his hand. “Let’s make it a girl, too, so people will stop thinking Google Glass users are all weird, privacy-invading perverts. But, y’know, a hot girl. Because these glasses aren’t making anyone look good. And get her to direct it herself; ‘artists’ love that kind of thing.”
This is probably how we ended up with FKA twigs dancing to a mashup of two of her songs (Video Girl and Glass & Patron) for two minutes, using Google Glass to learn vogue-ing, “dominant krumping” and gymnastics. But nobody seems to have actually briefed twigs on what she’s selling, because with all her incredible dancing and painted-on eye makeup, she’s essentially just showing us a variety of things you can’t do while wearing Google Glass. You wouldn’t try to do gymnastics because, er, that’s a grand’s worth of technology falling off your face and smashing on the floor. You wouldn’t use it to look up dominant krumping because who even knew that was a thing? And there’s no way you could paint your face to look like a doll while there’s a clunky pair of glasses in the way. However, twigs has got it right by using Glass in an empty white room, because at the rate it’s being banned in cinemas, gyms and coffee shops, that’s the only place she’ll be allowed to wear it.